The Beagle Chronicles

So one of the primary reasons for starting this blog is to keep up with the thousands of off-kilter happenstances that constitute a single day of my existence, and share them with others. It is simply too much to bear alone.

I am the unfortunate owner of a 1-year-old beagle. I say unfortunate because most of the joy I've experienced in life occurred PRIOR to beagle ownership. Now I spend the majority of my waking life yelling and scrubbing bodily excretions out of my carpet and wondering how things went so horribly wrong. I used to think rescuing a sweet little innocent puppy from a life of squalor and maltreatment at the hands of some trashy family with 18 kids living in a camper somewhere was a noble thing. In hindsight I realize that I was duped royally and will be suffering for my momentary lapse in judgement for the next 15 years of my life.

I fixed up a big plate of homemade pizza tonight, with the works---pepperoni, green and red peppers, mushrooms, black and green olives. Homemade garlic marinara. Garlic herb crust crisped just so in the oven.

I ran upstairs to start a load of laundry before I sat down to eat. I heard an odd clanking coming from downstairs and ran down to find my beagle STANDING ON THE TABLE over my plate, which was completely empty, DRINKING OUT OF MY GLASS. Are you KIDDING ME??????????? He polished off my pizza in 30 seconds flat and then helped himself to a drink, since, you know, THE PEPPERONI AND OLIVES MADE HIM THIRSTY. What the $&%#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other day he was sitting out in the hallway and I heard him toot. I peered out at him to point and laugh. He proceeded to turn around and sniff his butt, whereupon he took one whiff and bolted downstairs. Even though he TOTALLY smoked me out and then made a run for it, at least that was somewhat amusing. The pizza situation is altogether different. I will have my revenge.......