The Ignorami Chronicles

So there should be a word in the English language for persons who choose to shut down an ENTIRE ACCESS ROAD TO THE TOLLWAY FOR MONTHS AT A TIME to do “CONSTRUCTION WORK” during “THE SCHOOL YEAR.”

I’m not sure what the “actual” definition of “construction work” is, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with an ancient form of Chinese torture, with the age-old purpose of “making people wish they had never been born” and “causing perfectly normal people to weep like babies” and “driving all commuting persons in the vicinity clinically insane.”

As I was pissing away an hour and twenty minutes in my Jetta this morning whilst trying to decide how best to kill myself with only a Volkswagen manual and an ice scraper, I was simultaneously contemplating how, exactly, the amoebic residue lining the bottom of the gene pool always manages to land such governmental positions as the ones who decide “when and where to perform construction work” and “which critical roads to shut down completely” and “why perfectly good roads should be totally dismantled and then painstakingly reassembled for no apparent reason whatsoever.”

Are they looking for something? Is there valuable something beneath the road that they need, like diamonds or crude oil? Do they have to tear up X number of roads per season to meet some sort of bogus quota to get re-appointed by other worthless degenerate bacilli? Or are they just sadistic low-life cretins who delight in the cruelty of unsuspecting tax-paying commuters? Just wondering.

For what it’s worth, my money’s on the latter. And they may therefore bend over and “KISS MY SORE MISSHAPEN BUTTOCKS," which were in perfectly normal condition when I left the house this morning but are now kind of throbbing and out of sorts.

Paved roads are really overrated. I don’t recall there ever being traffic problems back in the horse and buggy days. And no flat tires, either! They really had the right idea. Stupid progressive road-paving do-gooders....