Resident Shit-kicker

So I've been relegated to my room by my wonderful husband, who has commandeered the television downstairs. For approximately 5 months. Monday night football, football on Saturdays, Sunday football, professional football, college football, playoffs football, football football football. Football. And now all "his shows" are back on the air or will be soon, which means I will see him again in about six months, but not really, because then it will be baseball season again. Sigh. It's lonely up here, just me and my computer.

I'm sad to report that the only thing on tonight is "The Bachelorette," which I vowed I would not watch ever again. I have watched all the rest of The Bachelors and Bachelorettes toy with other people's emotions and make out shamelessly with everything in sight. They get worse every time, and it's all just a glamorized sham and I just can't take it anymore. Nobody stays together, everybody's just hoping to see a little boob or get a little action, and play their silly little games. But not me. I've been duped enough times, and I've learned my lesson, and I'm through.

Which is why I'm sitting here, not reading or painting or solving complex equations, but parked in front of the idiot box once again, with 25 idiots all wooing the same chick, who's already been around the block once before with ill results. If I knew anything about statistics, I would calculate for you the exact odds of one of these 25 blokes being chosen for the grim position of escorting The Bachelorette around the TV talk show circuit for the next 6 months, pretending to be all cuddly and "wooing her," until the camera shuts off and they have some pointless little spat and call it quits. And I'm sure Oprah will have them on, because it's "Chicago Jenn" this time and Oprah just HAS to have a piece of anything Chicago.

So the first few bachelors walk up the aisle like lambs to the slaughter---the typical lot---a firefighter, five people named Ryan, and such---and then, sure as shit, the resident cowboy shitkicker. There is one in every batch. He grew up with horses and probably smells like them too and has the over-the-top twang and everything. Must they always present The Bachelorette with a country-boy hick? Does she routinely request cowboy types to flush out her man-harem? I just don't get it. I want somebody I can take around to parties and nice restaurants and not have to worry about him asking for directions to "the shitter" or walking around with a wad of chaw poking out of his bottom lip. Somebody please explain this phenomenon to me. Especially since the weird cowboy dude is always one of the first to go. I mean, really.

This time, they have cleverly disguised The Bachelorette's two best blonde friends as "waitresses" at the "meet 'n greet" party to "get the scoop" on the bachelors, ie, dig up all the dirt they can get on them prior to the first cut, presumably by flashing them some boob and watching their reaction, since there's supposed to be hopelessly in love with The Bachelorette at this point, since they've known her for approximately 15 minutes. None of the bachelors seem to be picking up on the fact that the two blonde waitresses are schmoozing with the guests an awful lot to just be waitresses. Hmm. Smart fellows. AND handy on a dude ranch.

My favorite thing is that this one is being filmed in New York City, so they bring the hillbilly to the Big Apple and watch the fireworks fly. I guess they want to test the "chemistry" with the cultured well-mannered city gal.

Quality television at its finest.....