How To Thwart a Lunch Thief

Although it has not happened to me, a couple of my co-workers have reportedly had their lunches stolen by thieving fellow employees. We have our suspicions as to the culprit(s), but proving that a suspect committed such a clandestine and dastardly act is no small feat. Which is why, when I ripped off the page of my Worst-Case Scenario: How to Survive at Work calendar this morning, I was delighted to find the following tips on How To Thwart a Lunch Thief. Since this has no doubt happened to some of you, I thought I would share. No need to thank me--I am happy to be of service. Ahem.

HOW TO THWART A LUNCH THIEF

1. SET A TRAP.

Hide a layer of jalepeno peppers between ingredients, or sprinkle a layer of cayenne pepper on the underside of the item.

(Footnote: This could be where I went wrong when I tried to trick my beagle into eating white pepper--laced tuna fish. I put the pepper on TOP instead of on the BOTTOM. I won't make the same mistake twice!)

2. PREPARE THE BAG.

Staple your lunch bag shut. Write your name on the bag.

3. MONITOR THE REFRIGERATOR.

Find a surveillance spot with a clear view of the office kitchen or stroll past once every few minutes around lunchtime.

4. LISTEN FOR THE THIEF TO OPEN YOUR BAG AND REMOVE AN ITEM.

5. POUNCE.

Jump out from your hiding spot. Say, "I believe that's my lunch you have in your hand!" If the thief denies that the item is from your bag, tell him to prove it by taking a bite of the (doctored) item.

Well, there you go. My only question regarding this seemingly foolproof advice is what do you do if the thief doesn't take the bait? You're left with a cup of cayanne-laced pudding and a PB-and-jalepeno sandwich that you have to eat yourself. They don't account for this on the calendar. If any of you give this a try, let me know how it goes....