Redemption!

At this time, I would like to give a shout out to STAN THE MAN, who was kind enough to reunite me with one of my favorite albums, Van Halen's OU812, which some dirty scange stole from me, along with $200 worth of my favorite CDs, from the locker room at my gym not long ago. (I hope she develops a nasty case of syphilis. Oh wait--what am I saying? She probably ALREADY HAS it.)

Anyhoo, "The Stanimal" most generously lent it me his copy so that I could load it into my ipod without having to purchase it again. He rules. And consequently, he tipped me off on how to make a fantastic pseudo-fried chicken breast (an indulgent little treat I can enjoy without walking away from the table with a big fat ass afterward). For this, he receives the prestigious honor of being my favorite person of the month thus far. Kudos to you, Mr. Stan! Lo avete reso molto felice.

My LEAST favorite person O the month would be my trusty "pain specialist," who strapped me onto a table yesterday and administered a grand total of TEN injections to my posterior, "FOR PAIN RELIEF." I felt so much better afterwards, though, it was totally worth it. NOT!!!!!!! I will not say what I hope to befall him, because it involves expletives I do not traditionally use, but let's just say I'm envisioning something to do with his bare bottom and a good old-fashioned bed 'o nails. And that's all I have to say about THAT.

In other news, my beagle has developed this slightly frightening new trick, whereby he stands up on his hind legs and walks around the room like a PERSON. It's pretty disconcerting, actually, because he acts as if it's no big deal. This skill originated from (a) the fact that he is a runty little pipsqueak and (b) the house rule that he is not allowed to stand up to stick his nose into the trash can or get up against the kitchen cabinets (in an effort to reach the countertop) while I am cooking. So he figures--if he's not actually TOUCHING anything, he won't be able to get in TROUBLE for it. Now THERE'S some beagle logic for you. So now he stands up on his back legs and strolls past the countertop with remarkable poise, just as easy as you please. Except that lately he's taken to just walking around the room that way, for no apparent reason. I'm telling you, it's SCARY.

And now I shall retreat to my room to spend some QT with my long-lost album. I love you, OU812! And to the skank who stole my copy from me: Good luck with that little STD problem of yours, biaaaaaatch!!! May itchy oozing sores be yours forevermore.

Latuh.