Run your credit card WHERE?

So as many of you know, I have a slight problem with "pant height."

I cannot really say why I seem to have this problem while others don't, being that my pants aren't near as low as some other people's. Like, those skater dudes who wear them around their knee regions, for example. Have you ever seen their butt cracks, despite their low pant-age?

No, you haven't.

Scenario: So I'm at the gym yesterday (I know I know, SHOCKER) and I'm busy doing my stretches. The ones where you're on a mat, leaning forward to touch your toes.

So I'm stretching away, and I see a pair of tennis shoes approaching me. I continue stretching.

"Ahem."

I look up. Huh? It's the trainer-who-shall-not-be-named! Having to do with a certain "Pumpkin"!!

"Yes?" I say, sweetly.

He points to the back of my pants. "You might want to---" (he lifts his eyebrows and points.)

I have no idea what he is talking about. "What?" I'm certain I'm looking somewhat bewildered.

"YOUR ASS CRACK IS SHOWING," he says.

WHA!!! I reached back and felt around. Damn these low cut pants!!!!!!!!!! I tugged at them to pull them up higher. The trainer dude begins laughing. "You might want to keep an eye on that," he says. Well obviously I can't help it!!! "Well why don't you stop looking!" I retorted. "Well I really couldn't avoid it," he says. "I just happened to be walking by and looked over, and WHAM! There it was."

How embarrassing for myself. I mean, really. But I was able to laugh about it, thankfully, as I generally do about absolutely everything, until he started---pulling out his wallet?

He began fishing around and pulled out one of his credit cards. Huh?

He leans down and starts waving card the around. "Unless you'd like me to swipe my card for you," he says, and then makes a "swiping" motion toward my ass, as at the credit card machine at the grocery store, complete with a little "swoop!" sound.

Well at this, as you could imagine I just totally lost it. Ahahaha! Again, this would ONLY happen to me. Some guy I barely know lightening up a completely embarrassing situation by attempting to swipe his credit card down my ass crack. I swear to God, people, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Yes indeedy, this is my life.

So I guess this explains why middle-aged men keep approaching me at the gym, eh? Hildy B apparently has plumber butt when she's stretching out after a workout. It's OK, though. I can poke fun at myself with the best of 'em. Everybody else does. See? It's not so bad.

All the same, I think I'll stay away from the gym for a week or so, and perhaps change my haircolor before I make an appearance there again. Which happens often, according to SOME of you hilariously funny people out there. I wave my lovely sun-kissed locks in your general direction.

Time for me to rub down my beagle. Until next time...