Livin' la Vida Loca.

There is nothing better than the pleasure of driving along when someone throws up in the car next to you.

More specifically, there’s nothing better than driving along when your carsick beagle positions himself over (a) the nice, clean upholstery of the seat he’s sitting on, as well as (b) the most narrow, hard-to-reach crags of the seat/floor/door to puke on/in, (simultaneously), and you’re helpless to do anything about it. I love that!

What I would REALLY like, like if I had just one wish, is to have him hang his beagle-head over my lap, and puke there. Like, on my way to a very important meeting or something. That is the only way it could possibly get any better!

But seriously. If I did have just one wish, just one teeny, tiny wish--the smallest of wishes--I would wish that he could find it in his itty, bitty, black little beagle heart to yak on THE FLOOR, just the plain-old floor of the car, on the floor mats. They would be so easy to remove and clean!

But no. That would simplify my life and cause me less mental/emotional anguish, as well as allow me to kak less when I’m wrist-deep in beagle vomit, so why on earth would he want THAT??

Then, what’s EXTRA fun, is when it’s -7 degrees outside when this whole scenario plays out, so when you get home and spray everything with carpet cleaner, it FREEZES solid. I love that! So then you’re hacking away at it with a scrub brush and a fistful of frozen fingers, and it’s merely breaking off in large chunks and flying everywhere. Even better!

The grand finale comes when you get a bucket of water and attempt to wet the brush before scrubbing the pile of puke--and the water freezes the bristles together before you even get to scrub anything! It’s SO much fun!

I adore owning my own beagle. Each new day brings a whole host of previously unknown joys, let me tell you. Life before my beagle just wasn’t living!

I need alcohol.