On the Juice.

I have a question. If you are a dude, and you take steroids and your weenie shrinks, does it ever go back to the way it was?

Dudes presumably take steroids to look good to females, so that they can get laid by more (and hotter) chicks. Right?

But if you don't have what it takes to "hold up your end of the bargain," so to speak, that's really not going to get you anywhere, is it?

Also, pumping all that weight seems like an awful lot of work for not alotta payoff in the end, once the "catch 'o the day" finds out about your Little Smokie.

Vanity, vanity. I am simply amazed at the boob jobs, horrendously fake tans, and unnatural musculature that struts past me every day at the gym. Do these people REALLY think they look good??? Seems to me they'd be better off without all the surgery, drugs, and imminent melanoma.

There's this one dude I know that is CLEARLY taking steroids. He used to be thin and normal. Now he is ENORMOUS and a highly erroneous shade of burnt sienna.

I said to him, "Man, you're really beefing up."

"Thanks," he said, and grinned. "I want to look disgusting," he added. (I am not making this up.)

Well congratulations, pal, let me be the first to say you've succeeded, with flying colors. I hereby crown you "Beefy King of the Oompa Loompas."

Not to be confused with the "Burger King King." Although your head is almost as large as his these days. Except that you're bald.

The end.