Having a good laugh at another poor sap's expense.

So I enjoyed quite the ballyhoo last night over someone else’s misfortune. Sure it sounds cruel, but just wait--there’s more!

What happened was, someone was relaying a story to me about a friend he’s known for YEARS. They grew up together, lived together in college, and have stayed pretty tight over the years as they’ve gotten married, had kids, and the like.

Well, apparently this friend of his, just yesterday, let him in on a horrifying little secret he’s kept to himself all these years: Are you ready for it? (drum roll.........)

The dude was born without an asshole!!!

I’m not EVEN kidding. He was born with no hole! His parents had to cough up TWELVE THOUSAND dollars, which they did not have, to make him one. And this was like, forty-some-odd years ago!! When surgery was not exactly the precise technological paragon it is today!

So basically, of ALL THE THINGS you would like to do with twelve grand, his parents had to spend it on an asshole for their son! I wasn’t even aware this was possible! What kind of cruel cruel world do we live in where a baby is born with NO ASSHOLE???

It gets worse. You’d think that if you had to pay $12,000 for a hole, you would want to take extra special care of it, right? Think again. Apparently, in college, he earned the nickname “bacon stripe” because that’s the sort of “imprint” he left on his underwear--a one-inch bacon-length strip of goodness on the inside. Isn’t this turning out to be a delightful story?

Oh also, instead of eating lots of fiber and whatnot to take care of his expensive new orifice, he allegedly ate a lot of crap and gave himself diverticulitis. Hah!!! I mean, it’s really not funny I guess, but it SO is.

So I will admit to laughing hard and long over this little confession. Like, minutes. Doubled-over. It just kept on getting better and better. And I actually KNOW the guy, which makes it 10 times worse. I can never divulge that I know his ‘dirty’ little secret! But I do know it, and the next time I see him face-to-face is certainly going to be a challenge.

Better yet, my friend has known him practically all his life, and never found out about it till now. You think you know a guy...

Happy Friday!

Oh, P.S. There are two personal trainers at my gym that only use baby wipes on their butts when they poo. AHAHA! These two big burly dudes! Baby wipes! I love it....