Look---I made a baby!

And a darn good one, too.


Here he is with his daddy, his number one fan (who carries baby's picture with him proudly, everywhere he goes....)

Sniff.

Fox News RULES.

At this time, I'd like to give a shout out to Fox News, who reported that Representative Foley, a homosexual Republican alcoholic pedophile, was actually a DEMOCRAT.

Umm, nice try, guys---but he's one of YOURS, not one of OURS.

This just goes to prove, once again, that Fox News is fair. AND unbiased. AND accurate!

And these ignorami are the people we get our "News" from? Who lets these people hold press credentials, anyway???

I need a stiff drink.

I love the media.

I would like to praise the media, once again, for their superb up-to-the-minute coverage of the crucial events going on in the world today.

Just yesterday I was reading a fascinating headlined story about how Eric Clapton has “begun playing the song ‘Cocaine’ again,” after “choosing not to perform it after he went through drug rehab.”

Oh really? That’s interesting, since I saw him perform the song “Cocaine,” in person, NINE YEARS AGO...APPROXIMATELY 2 1/2 DECADES after he overcame his drug habit. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I call breaking news!!! Way to go, guys!!!

Consequently, my Favorite Headline Of The Day, which has been deemed one of the Most Popular Stories on Yahoo! News this afternoon, IS: (drum roll crescendo here)

“Fungus Causes Pumpkins to Develop Mold”

No shit! I thought it was the Evil Pumpkin Fairy that swooped down and put a Rot Hex on the pumpkins. Boy was I wrong!

Thank you Associated Press, for this incredible revelation. You sure do know news. I feel so informed. Where would we all be without you there to explain things to us?

I am also enjoying the 2nd full day of the “Madonna adopted an African boy/Madonna DIDN’T adopt an African boy” debate going on between “reputable” news sources. Because this is what the news media do best...post a story before everybody else does, regardless of WHETHER IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED OR NOT.

Silly me, I was under the mistaken impression that reporters were supposed to tell us FACTS. Wrong again! Man, I’m just 0 for 2 here.

It’s a good thing journalists are around to set me straight. I’d be so confused otherwise, as would the rest of the American public. Which might lead to wild leaps in presidential approval ratings from one week to the next, for example. Thank heavens there’s no danger of THAT.

So, to all you media types that like to weigh in on issues (a) that any person with two intact brain cells already knows or (b) without stopping to check those pesky facts first---bang-up job!! And I know you’ll keep up the good work.

A Little Ray of Sunshine.

So yesterday was a “gloomy,” cloudy day, the kind I love but everybody else hates. It seems like 95% of people get up and decide to be cranky on stormy days. I don’t understand it, but I don’t buy it, either. I love storms and see no reason why they should affect my mood adversely--how boring would it be if it was sunny and 80 degrees every single day?

So last night I was shopping at Target amid all the gloomy people. I was standing at the checkout, when this little old black lady in a motorized wheelchair pulled up behind me and started putting her items on the conveyer belt. The cashier was busy scanning my stuff, and I was just standing there, waiting patiently.

Then, out of the blue, the unthinkable happened--the little old lady began singing to herself! She had the sweetest little voice, and was just humming away as if there was nobody else around. Don’t ask me why, but it TOTALLY made my day. How many able-bodied people were stomping around yesterday for no reason, and here was this crippled old lady in a wheelchair that found a reason to sing. In the checkout line at Target, no less.

I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and nodded, and kept right on singing. And it totally made my night.