The Radioactive Diaper Brigade

Friends, I would like to post today about a phenomenon I like to call 'The Radioactive Diaper'. I was wholly unfamiliar with this concept up until yesterday, and I feel a responsibility to pass a sort of warning on to other new, unsuspecting parents like myself.

My baby is six months old. His poops have been altogether inoffensive (albeit profuse) thus far, which has been a rather pleasant surprise, seeing as how I'm the one in charge of poopy diaper removal.

Three weeks ago he started eating baby cereal, which changed things slightly, but no biggie, as the cereal is mixed with milk. He's USED to drinking milk, so nothing dramatic happened as a result.

Then, however, came the sweet potatoes.

Three nights ago I gave him sweet potatoes for the very first time, which constitutes the first entree he has ever eaten which is non-milk based. To my surprise, he ate the whole bowl.

People had warned me that the "really smelly poops" were soon to follow, after starting solid foods. I waited. Nothing happened.

Twenty-four hours passed. Still nothing.

Thirty-six hours later, at approximately 8:36 am, the sweet potatoes came out. And DEAR GOD I don't know what happened in there, but there was no longer (any SEMBLANCE of) anything "sweet" about them.

Upon opening the diaper, the stench reached up and slapped me across the face. It made my eyes water. I have never smelled anything that offensive in my entire LIFE. I liken the experience to dangling your nostrils over a bottle of ammonia and breathing deeply. It literally SINGED MY NOSTRILS. It was THAT potent. I'm not even exaggerating! I began to feel woozy.

Interestingly, it still retained a sweet-potato color and texture, but any semblance of "sweet potato fragrance" was loooong gone. I worked fast, but my eyes and nose weren't quite right for the better part of an hour. I'm not sure what sorts of hazardous gases and substances I was exposed to, but I'm pretty sure I experienced some sort of radioactive poisoning.

I know the Department of Defense likes to experiment with alternate forms of weaponry. I would like to know if they've ever analyzed what comes out of a baby's butt after he eats sweet potatoes for the first time, and/or what ill effects the end result might have on a person's eyeballs and olfactories.

I hereby suggest a new form of top-secret artillery, 'fresh' sweet-potato baby poop. (I use the term 'fresh' in an ironic sense, of course.)

It could be The Radioactive Diaper Brigade. It would be an unstoppable force, driving fear into the hearts of our enemies!

I am still awaiting the second sweet-potato-pooping. And I'm afraid, VERY afraid. It should be anytime now, as it's been a whole day since the first one.

Help...me....